Sat
Jul
5
Douglas,
Of all the kids here at Camp Chunky, you are my favorite. You don’t take any shit. While the other counselors encourage aerobic activities and sensible eating, you and I both know that’s a bunch of crap.
Here’s my advice:
Eat whatever the hell you want. You can be fat and still get laid when you grow up as long as you wear that cool sailor’s cap.
Ride the scooter everywhere you go. Walking is for A-holes.
Playing outside is okay, but watching TV is cooler. Tomorrow I’ll teach you how to smoke cigarettes while we watch Tyra Banks. She’s got a nice rack, right?
If Jonathon or Anthony give you a hard time about missing swim time, lemme know. I’ve got some incriminating photos of them together that will shut them right up.