I am Rob Huebel. You may know me from DEAR SCALPER-DUDE:
Hello dirtbag. Do you remember me? I gave you a bunch of money for Chromeo tickets tonight on the street. Remember? Well I wanted to tell you those tickets you sold me were fake. And so I didn’t get in. Wow! Surprised? Me too!
Now, right after I found that out, I went back outside to find you. But you weren’t there. I guess you had someone else to go steal from. Oh boy was I mad. Like, really mad. So, I started calling you names. Like the kind of talk you’d hear in prison. And as I walked home in the freezing cold, I started imagining what it would be like to kick you in the nutsack. Many times. Like, probably close to a hundred kicks to your nutsack.
And then I started thinking about you going out and having fun with the money I gave you. You’d probably go to some dumbass restaurant that you think is nice. Like the Olive Garden. Or Outback Steakhouse. And you’d sit there and order a bunch of sucky food. Unlimited fettucine alfredo or some crap. This made me so mad I almost spit out my gum. Involuntarily. But then I imagined the restaurant getting robbed while you were in there. So you would have to give my money to some other dude. And then you’d walk home in the cold. And sit on your couch. And log onto your tumblr. And make weird, threatening posts at that guy.
So now I feel okay. I’m watching some channel with people doing yoga in Hawaii. So it’s hard to be upset. And, after this I’m probably gonna watch Rush Hour 3 en Espanol. And that will probably be more fun than Chromeo anyway. So fuck you.
