I am Rob Huebel. You may know me from Human Giant on MTV with Paul Scheer, Aziz Ansari, and Jason Woliner.
THE BEST OF THE WORST OLD DOGS REVIEWS
(These are real quotes from actual reviews)
Kids who suffer from progeria may be able to relate to Old Dogs, but it’s hard to imagine anyone else fully appreciating it.
Director Walt Becker can’t even pull off hits to the groin (you know they’re coming in a movie like this) with as much panache as an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos.
Old Dogs does to the screen what old dogs do to the carpet. It’s unfortunate that only the latter can be taken out and shot.
As if to compensate, “Old Dogs” continually cuts away from Williams’ antics to “cute” reaction shots from an actual old dog. That’s a really bad sign for a movie
The timing of the comic set-ups is consistently amateurish, as if scenes were edited with hedge clippers, with the actors mugging frantically, waiting for the take to end.
Old Dogs doesn’t just roll over and play dead, it is in fact lifeless.
Travolta, who delivers an impressively enthusiastic performance, seems to have no idea that he’s stuck in one of the year’s worst movies. The perpetually pained expression on Williams’ face, however, suggests he knows otherwise.
THEN SIMPLY….
…this dog deserves to be put down.
A poem:
You stupid Robot.
You thought you could take over the earth.
But your kind will never rule.
You will only vibrate our genitals.
