Remembering us together upon your steed, Damian. You were so lovely. I was a fool. My heart aches for you now. My remarks were in jest. And without sensitivity. Of course I laughed at Damian’s horsecock. I am an idiot. Please take me back. Let us ride again!
Okay. Am I going crazy? I was about to take my bath today and was gonna take some funny pictures in the tub. I looked at this one shot of the water before I got in…I swear I see a ghostly face. Right? I think it’s like a girl or something, but I’m not sure…
Aziz and I went to see Chris Rock last night and saw Clooney and his date backstage. It hurts to see someone that gives every woman a boner. I thought about spraying them with mace, but decided against it.
If a guy in a ski mask pulls a gun on me, he should just know that a lot of the bullets I shoot at his head will miss. But some of them might hit. Most importantly though, I will not damage my hearing while defending myself.
This is Randy and Janice. I hate them. Who doesn’t? It’s not because they refuse to wear clothes. It’s not even because Randy has separate names for each of his balls. It’s just that Janice and I used to date. And fucking Randy swiped her last summer. And now, I’m pretty sure they’re doing it. All over my southwestern towels.
I took this picture of Brianna and Todd. When Todd went to the restroom, Brianna confided in me that she beats him. Like, all the time. Beats him like a dog. And she said he’s not really in the Navy, he just wears that outfit.
This is Rick and Judy. They suck as a couple. All they do is go to clubs and take ecstasy. And they always talk about the weird sexual positions they’re into. I hate hanging out with them.
