January 2008
48 posts
DEAR SCALPER-DUDE:
Hello dirtbag. Do you remember me? I gave you a bunch of money for Chromeo tickets tonight on the street. Remember? Well I wanted to tell you those tickets you sold me were fake. And so I didn’t get in. Wow! Surprised? Me too!
Now, right after I found that out, I went back outside to find you. But you weren’t there. I guess you had someone else to go steal from. Oh boy was I mad. ...
John Mueller at the LA Times made a chart of the body count in each of Sly Stallone’s Rambo movies in preparation for Friday’s release of Rambo. It’s very inclusive. Mueller explains: “The body count includes only people who visibly fall inert after being bombed; garroted; blasted; stabbed; strangled; blown up by mines, artillery, grenades, or other explosives; shot by...
“I saw Rob Riggle on a new commercial. He looks so handsome! I think you should...”
– My mom in a lengthy voicemail message to me
WatchBe on the lookout for a chimp in a diaper running through Brooklyn covered in my blood. This happy, fun scene turned tragic exactly three seconds later when he ripped my left arm off at the elbow and wrote ‘monKKey stroooongRR!!’ in blood across the wall. Stupid monkey. Can’t even spell correctly.
I just realized how completely opposite the...
daniel day-lewis on charlie rose →
if you’ve seen ‘There will be blood’ you’ll dig it
''Two Coreys'' gets second season! →
Fuck yeah! These dudes are the best. I wish I could move in with them and sulk around all day with Haim. We would complain how Feldman never bro’s-out with us anymore. We would eat all his food and mess up his house and yell dramatic stuff like, “YOUR WIFE SUCKS, BRO!” And we would try really hard to cry on-camera.
“Sorry. This one is NOT for the Diesel.”
– —Vin Diesel’s agent, in an email to me, saying Vin was passing on a part we’d offered him on Human Giant
Things I did in 2007 that I'm ashamed of:
I dislocated my niece's elbow
I googled my own name a lot
I urinated in a stranger's yard
I was very rude to an old man who was first rude to me (but still, he's old.)
I considered getting a spray tan
I portrayed my mother on TV in a way that she would not like
I spent way too much time talking to people about their particular cellphone
I purchased a dvd called, 'The Secret' and watched it
I let Mark McGrath (from Sugar Ray) cut in front of me in slow moving traffic
I convinced myself that a stripper really liked me at a strip club in Las Vegas
I purchased pants that made me look like the kind of man I would hate
I kept the same two netflix movies for over 1 year and paid monthly for them
I tried to talk to girls using pointers from 'The Game'