Rob Huebel



I am Rob Huebel. I am in Human Giant on MTV with Paul Scheer, Aziz Ansari, and Jason Woliner.
Thu May 8
This is where I lost my virginity while on vacation. Spring Break ‘87!!   (in the dirt field next to the warehouse, lower right)
This is where I lost my virginity while on vacation. Spring Break ‘87!!   (in the dirt field next to the warehouse, lower right)
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This is my childhood home.  Or the woods near my childhood home.  Where I was held captive for 13 years.  Damn you, Mr. Englewood.
This is my childhood home.  Or the woods near my childhood home.  Where I was held captive for 13 years.  Damn you, Mr. Englewood.
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Tue May 6
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I GIVE YOU THE SAT'S

Each sentence below has one or two blanks, each blank indicating that something has been omitted. Beneath the sentence are five words or sets of words labeled A through E. Choose the word or set of words that, when inserted in the sentence, best fits the meaning of the sentence as a whole.

Hoping to ———- the dispute, negotiators proposed a compromise that they felt would be ———- to both labor and management.

(A)  enforce . . useful (B)  end . . divisive (C)  overcome . . unattractive (D)  extend . . satisfactory (E)  resolve . . acceptable
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Bernice.  I hate to do this on my tumblr, but it’s over.  I thought the idea of dating a model was pretty exciting.  But you don’t ever smile.  You have a very exaggerated walk.  And I think you might be a dude.  Plus I don’t speak Portugese and you don’t speak English.  I know you won’t be able to read this, so have Ronto explain it.  Please get your shit out of my apt by the end of the day.  I’m sorry.
Bernice.  I hate to do this on my tumblr, but it’s over.  I thought the idea of dating a model was pretty exciting.  But you don’t ever smile.  You have a very exaggerated walk.  And I think you might be a dude.  Plus I don’t speak Portugese and you don’t speak English.  I know you won’t be able to read this, so have Ronto explain it.  Please get your shit out of my apt by the end of the day.  I’m sorry.
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I GIVE YOU THE SAT'S

A special lottery is to be held to select the student who will live in the only deluxe room in a dormitory. There are 100 seniors, 150 juniors, and 200 sophomores who applied. Each senior’s name is placed in the lottery 3 times; each junior’s name, 2 times; and each sophomore’s name, 1 time. What is the probability that a senior’s name will be chosen? (A)  (B)  (C)  (D)  (E) 
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Someone sent me a chewing gum sculpture of me.  I don’t think it looks anything like me.  My hair and skin aren’t pink, you idiot.
Someone sent me a chewing gum sculpture of me.  I don’t think it looks anything like me.  My hair and skin aren’t pink, you idiot.
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Sun May 4
Newborn babies aren’t good photographers.  They can’t balance themselves on my knee and they fall backwards, ruining the shot.
Newborn babies aren’t good photographers.  They can’t balance themselves on my knee and they fall backwards, ruining the shot.
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Sat May 3
NOTE TO THE TSA: Often when I travel, I wear my TG400 Penis extender underneath my clothes.  This is not a weapon.  I am making my dong bigger.  But it is impossible to remove discreetly.  Please be cool about this when I go through the metal detector.  I promise I’m not going to blow up the plane with it.  

NOTE TO THE TSA:

Often when I travel, I wear my TG400 Penis extender underneath my clothes.  This is not a weapon.  I am making my dong bigger.  But it is impossible to remove discreetly.  Please be cool about this when I go through the metal detector.  I promise I’m not going to blow up the plane with it.  

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Nubian Witch seeking Mature White Male Witch
This is why I only date women off of Craigslist.  Also, look closely:  that’s not a sex machine.  That’s a fucking bowflex.
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My brother was robbed at gunpoint a couple nights ago.  This asshole asked for his money, so he gave him all $7 in his wallet.  Then the thug wanted his car keys.  My brother decided to jump him and went for the gun.  Not what you are supposed to do.  He tackled him and the dude squeezed off two shots.  Somehow my brother wasn’t hit.  He wrestled the gun away and the dude ran off without his shoes and his hat that said, “millionaire”.  Now my brother wears that hat.  Tim Huebel…a badass motherfucker.

My brother was robbed at gunpoint a couple nights ago.  This asshole asked for his money, so he gave him all $7 in his wallet.  Then the thug wanted his car keys.  My brother decided to jump him and went for the gun.  Not what you are supposed to do.  He tackled him and the dude squeezed off two shots.  Somehow my brother wasn’t hit.  He wrestled the gun away and the dude ran off without his shoes and his hat that said, “millionaire”.  Now my brother wears that hat. 

Tim Huebel…a badass motherfucker.

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Fri May 2
Here is a complete episode of Ghost Hunters.  I hereby prove Ghosts exist.  You’re welcome.
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I had to offer up my body or else he would have killed me too.
I had to offer up my body or else he would have killed me too.
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I enjoy commercials for meat.  GO MEAT.
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Thu May 1
Mylady: Remembering us together upon your steed, Damian.  You were so lovely.  I was a fool.  My heart aches for you now.  My remarks were in jest.  And without sensitivity.  Of course I laughed at Damian’s horsecock.  I am an idiot.  Please take me back.  Let us ride again!  

Mylady:

Remembering us together upon your steed, Damian.  You were so lovely.  I was a fool.  My heart aches for you now.  My remarks were in jest.  And without sensitivity.  Of course I laughed at Damian’s horsecock.  I am an idiot.  Please take me back.  Let us ride again!  

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